I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
