So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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