so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
worst night to have a conscience
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
