Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
