I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
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