We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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