in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Pooping to opera.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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