your parents love me but you hate me
I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Randomize
