Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
