my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
