we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
