her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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