the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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