Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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