I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
