careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
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