I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
