After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
