I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
