just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
