just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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