so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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