That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
