I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
