Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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