Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
