I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
