he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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