Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
