He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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