Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Never joke about your clitoris.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
