you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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