So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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