I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
