I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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