my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
