It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
