I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
