Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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