i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
