I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
