I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
