My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
