Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
