fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
