my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
