I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
