She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
