If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
