dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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