who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
