I must be too annoying 4 u.
if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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