If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
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