i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you didnt know i had herpes?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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